After tears in Paris, tears again in Glasgow.
It leaves even the great Adam Ramsay-Peaty wondering how much of this is worth it.
“I work a lot harder than what it says on the scoreboard,” the Englishman said after taking 100m breaststroke bronze at the Commonwealth Games, his eyes and cheeks red with emotion.
“It hurts too much. I have got to approach training differently now because it hurts too much.”
Ramsay-Peaty has done it all in this sport.
Three Olympic gold medals. Eight world titles. The 14 fastest times in history.
But after taking a break from swimming amid a wave of mental health issues in 2023, he is still searching for that winning feeling again on the big stage.
He was pipped to Olympic gold in Paris two years ago. In Glasgow, despite coming into the final as the fastest qualifier, he had to settle for bronze.
He was beaten by Australia’s Sam Williamson but also Jersey’s history-maker Filip Nowacki, the 18-year-old he has taken under his wing.
Ramsay-Peaty was third at halfway and could not close the gap.
“It took a lot of courage to get back into the sport, so we should be happy with everything we get, but then that contradicts the athlete inside me and what I work for,” he said.
“I just think I deserve more. I know sport isn’t about what you deserve or even what you work for – it’s who gets it on the day.
“I just know I’m a better athlete than that. It’s very disappointing.”
Ramsay-Peaty has spoken about the difficult decisions that come with being an elite athlete. The time away from his son, whom he held in his arms after the Paris silver. The events at home he has to miss.
“They are not even sacrifices; they are choices,” he said.
“It’s like getting knocked out in the group stages in the World Cup for a very good team. You know you’re better and it hurts because you know you have to wait for a very long time for the next championships.
“This is probably – realistically – my last Commonwealth Games and I thought I’d trained for better. I could do better. I’ve been faster this season. That’s where the frustration is.”
Ramsay-Peaty has made no secret of the fact he is still competing in the quest for Olympic gold.
He considered retirement again after Paris, but committed to another four years when the 50m race was added to programme for Los Angeles 2028.
This 100m breaststroke is his event – the one in which he went unbeaten in eight years – but there may be a time when he has to let it go.
The 50m race – a dash down one length of the pool – would be less taxing on the body, and Ramsay-Peaty is due back in the pool for that event on Sunday morning.
“Is the 100 even viable any more? I don’t know,” he said.
“When it hurts like this, the 50 is probably my super strength with my power.
“With the Olympics, that’s probably going to be more realistic, but it’s too early to tell.
“I just feel like I couldn’t have given more this cycle. If I had given less, would it have even equalled more?”
Given the emotion, there are times you wonder how close Ramsay-Peaty is to walking away entirely.
He appeared to walk to the edge but always turned back, insisting the drive for LA remains.
“Of course,” he said.
“I know I’m a sprinter. I know I can do very well because I’ve done it. It doesn’t disappear overnight.
“It requires me to look at the formula and see how I can get to that speed again.”
