On my groups with Juan Soto, Trevor Story and Cody Bellinger, there’s been little or no to have fun. I paid $15 for Tom Arnold to ship me a Cameo video telling me it might be okay. You bear in mind Tom Arnold: Man who is legendary for sleeping with Roseanne Barr. Actually, that ought to make somebody well-known. That and getting your junk Ginzu’d are legitimate causes for fame. Extra so than your sister was in a intercourse tape. If I have been rating them for fame, 1A) Marrying Roseanne, 1B) Getting Junk Ginzu’d, Z) Sister was in a intercourse tape. Any hoo! Trevor Story (2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his seventh and eighth homer) had an enormous sport — on the highway! — and possibly lastly there’s gentle on the finish of the tunnel. As Geoff and I mentioned on this week’s podcast, Story’s Launch Angle hasn’t been nice. He’s hitting manner too many floor balls, and pulling every part. The end result: Pitch on the surface nook, and he rolls over it to the shortstop. Perhaps there’s a hearth lit below him with the considered getting out of Colorado. Suppose this might be a boon for his worth: If buying and selling for Story, the workforce might be contending, so the lineup might be higher. Not all stadiums are unhealthy. You telling me Story in Yankee Stadium is unhealthy? Are you telling me this? Don’t inform em this. Additionally, the reinvigoration of a pennant chase can activate him like charcoal. Both Coors or elsewhere, he must right his Launch Angle, and hopefully yesterday is the precise path. My different resolution is spitting blow darts into his ribs whereas he’s at-bat, so he lowers his again elbow and it forces him into an uppercut swing. However that is perhaps unlawful. Anyway, right here’s what else I noticed yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brendan Rodgers – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .261. As Chad Kuhl would say, “Kuhl.” So, simply searched to see if I missed an damage to Ryan McMahon, and why was he benched three days in a row. Was absolutely anticipating it to be as a result of Bud Black is a big fool, however McMahon has forearm soreness. No phrase if it’s from making the common gesture for “Bud Black is a jerkoff.”
German Marquez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.99. Retired the primary 17 batters so as, and I assumed he may get an ideal sport, or no-hitter, as a result of: Mariners. Would’ve been becoming that the Rockies no-hit the Mariners as a result of they have been already by the Tigers and Orioles. The Mariners see a aggressive limbo stick, they usually all the time go below it. As for Marquez, is he getting traded to the Angels or what?
Taylor Trammell – 1-for-3 and his sixth homer, hitting .158. It’s not an excellent signal after I examine to see if a man has another hits in addition to homers, particularly not when he solely has six.
Travis Jankowski – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (2). I don’t assume there’s any coincidence that his nickname, Tra-Jank, feels like tragic.
Bryce Harper – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his tenth homer, and 2nd homer in two days. Can Bryce sneeze on Soto to get him began too?
Hector Neris – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.54, and his third blown save in his final 5 appearances. Joe Girardi says he’ll take the break day, ask a number of random folks on the road to take away their pants to examine for sticky substances, then resolve if he’s making a change on the nearer function. Jose Alvarado can be the man I’d stash.
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his nineteenth homer. And within the run-producing spots within the Nats’ lineup: Josh Harrison, Alex Avila and Starlin Castro. *digs down two miles into the earth’s core, lets out a loud, echoing chef’s kiss*
Dylan Cease – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.81. For folks in High quality Begin leagues, what a bummer–Lou Costello pops his head in, “He pitched later within the sport.”
Caleb Smith – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.03. Takes so much to stroll 4 in six innings and solely get six strikeouts whereas escaping comparatively unscathed. His magic sauce: dealing with the Brewers. Streamonator hates his subsequent begin, and I wouldn’t mess with it.
Christian Walker – 1-for-4 and a house run, hitting .197. Any concepts what number of homers he has? I’m gonna guess you’re guessing round eight. Guess what you guessed fallacious, guesser! It was his third homer. Suppose Walker learn an excessive amount of into the tortoise and hare story.
Eduardo Escobar – 1-for-1 and his sixteenth homer. Sonavabench! They stated he wasn’t going to play! *Lisa Simpson grumble*
Keston Hiura – 0-for-2, however zero strikeouts — lowercase yay! — as he was recalled from Triple-A with The Jelly Donut of Swat occurring the IL. I missed this yesterday, however it really is a pleasure to observe the Diamondbacks. The Snakes acquired some rattling occurring, however it’s of their heads. Right here, get pleasure from:
— MLBdream (@MLBdream) June 23, 2021
Shohei Ohtani – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.58, 0-for-3, hitting .265. His fastball averaged 92 MPH early on, however climbed as the sport went on. I do know, I’m Mr. No Enjoyable, from the land of Can’t Have Something Good, however Ohtani’s gonna burn out this summer time with out extra relaxation. It’s so much the Angels are asking of him. See, I’m couching my negativity in “However I simply care about him.”
Mike Tauchman – 1-for-6, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .173. He’s the primary participant to strike out 5 occasions in a row, then homer since Ray Lankford in 1998. In 1998, hitters belted balls. In 2021, pitchers have their belts checked.
Mike Yastrzemski – 1-for-7, 2 runs and his tenth homer, hitting .233. Carl’s Jr. Jr. is one other slugger who sits within the leadoff spot, and is best elsewhere, however I’m not arguing with the Giants’ success. They’re mainly like difficult a grandmother to a 50-yard sprint and below the make-up and saggy stockings is Usain Bolt. Did I simply reminiscence financial institution fuse an outdated Nike Larry Johnson industrial into one thing else?
Brandon Belt – Left yesterday’s sport with a leg damage, and can get scans on his knee. Hmm…*placing string up on a board labeled “conspiracy idea”* Umpires are checking for sticky substances by asking gamers to take away their belt, and Belt is eliminated. This isn’t a coincidence!
Aaron Civale – Will miss 4-5 weeks with a sprained center finger. That’s the worst center finger incident since that little child gave Jerry Maguire the center finger that despatched him right into a tailspin that value him a job, all his purchasers, together with a shocking grown-up Jerry O’Connell–Properly, you’ve seen the film.
Cody Bellinger – 0-for-2, 1 run, as he was activated from the IL. Unsure if I’m speculated to be blissful or put together myself to be harm once more. Bellinger has broken me. I’ll by no means be the identical.
Trevor Bauer – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners (4 BBs), 10 Ks, ERA at 2.57. *breaks into planetarium, strikes big telescope to intention instantly at my pc the place I’ve a desk open of spin charges, gentle catches telescope lens, unintentionally burns gap in pc* Rattling it!
Jake Cronenworth – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his eleventh homer, third homer in three video games, and 4th homer in 5 video games, and what was I doing dropping him? Why am I so dumb? He solely has 7.7 whiff% vs. fastballs, which is 7 of his 11 HRs. So, yeah, that’s good.
Kyle Wright – 2 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 9.95. “Braves’ younger arms are the envy of each workforce,” stated somebody earlier than this 12 months. For some purpose, that individual can not be reached for remark.
Freddie Freeman – 4-for-4, common as much as .251. Freeman solely acquired 4 singles, so he’s not going within the champagne room, however I’d take it for one more week if it will get his dumb common as much as respectable ranges.
Francisco Lindor – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his ninth homer, hitting .217. Hasn’t been an excellent begin to the season, proper? Legitimately it hasn’t been good, right? Lindor has extra homers than Soto, Bellinger and Story.
Michael Conforto – 2-for-4, 2 runs as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Division stated, “I acquired popped by a paintball yesterday. Sorry, I assumed you have been questioning why my face was half-covered in pink paint.”
Tylor Megill – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks as he made his MLB debut. Enjoyable reality! When Megill is utilized in a sentence and he’s doing the motion, it adjustments to Igill. So, I can’t discover something on Megill. Igill appears to be like like a again of the rotation, not-even-in-the-rotation arm whenever you have a look at his prospect grades, however you see Megill and he’s pumping 97 MPH fastballs and your coronary heart skips a beat. Perhaps there may be nothing right here as he’s an eighth spherical draft choose, and 35-grade arm, however watching him made me wish to see extra. His command is wonky, how’sever, so watch out in mixers.
Jose Altuve – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his seventeenth homer. Somebody put this man on the again of a Nice Dane and ship him off into the sundown, so he stops hitting.
Abraham Toro – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting near-.500 within the final week with one other homer. Toro is one sizzling fish!
Ryan O’Hearn – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his fifth homer, and third homer in three video games, and 2nd homer in two video games, which issues extra, as a result of the third one goes a month again. Scorching schmotato alert!
Danny Duffy – 2 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.85, as he returns from forearm tightness. So, now he’s an Opener, as a result of the Royals don’t wish to ship him for Tommy John surgical procedure? Implausible stuff. Somebody ought to movie a highway journey film with Lamet, Duffy and Gallen all going to Dr. James Andrews’ clinic, and having one final hurrah the night time earlier than their surgical procedure — Pitchers, Trains & 15-Months of Rehab.
Aroldis Chapman – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.54 and his third blown save. Oh, man, what did Donkey Enamel give me in a commerce? I acquired cursed? Did he curse me? Donkey, how might you?!
Gary Sanchez – 1-for-4 and his twelfth homer, hitting .236. Not a prime three catcher once more — no less than not but — however he appears to be like so significantly better than he did the previous few years.
Garrett Richards – 1 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.74 vs. Rich Hill – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners (5 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 3.52. Dick Mountain beat off Garr-Dicks, correctly. By the best way, Garr-Dicks is one man who has misplaced all worth with the wacky cheesy checky-checky, although undecided he had worth earlier than. However he’s simply nonstop b’ing and m’ing about how he can’t grip the ball with industrial glue.
Austin Meadows – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his sixteenth homer, hitting .231. C’mon, much less Meadows’ing, and extra Wander’ing!
Brandon Lowe – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer. Sorry, Lowe, however nothing can prevent from being in each different Razzball remark about getting dropped. Lowe, you’ve even moved previous Schoop for many requested to drop. To not inject logic and reasoning into this, however Lowe is round a one hundred and thirtieth most precious participant on the Player Rater. In different phrases, that you must be in a 6-team league to not have him rostered.
Mike Zunino – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his fifteenth homer. Who’s Zunino’ing who?!
Starling Marte – 2-for-4 and a slam (6) and legs (11), hitting .326. Unsure in the event you heard however Marte acquired into some hassle the opposite day as a result of he posted a video on Instagram of a rat tied to a bottle rocket and *poof* shot up and up in smoke. Marte later revealed he was simply attempting to visualise what he needs to occur to Jeff Bezos.
Adolis Garcia – 2-for-4, and his nineteenth and twentieth homer, hitting .276. Simply on the ol’ 40-homer in 120 video games tempo. Abbondanza Garcia!
Nate Lowe – 2-for-4 and his tenth homer, hitting .250. Lowe has a modest five-game hitting streak. Imply’s whereas, Nick Solak has remained retired from when he hung up the bat and glove on Might 1st.
Joely Rodriguez – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 1st profession save. Why did Texas go to Joely? The place was Kennedy? Caught on a grassy knoll?
Sean Murphy – 2-for-4 and his tenth homer, and 2nd homer in three video games. Murph Dawg, as he’s generally identified to guys who add “dawg” on the finish of individuals’s names, has accomplished it once more!
James Kaprielian – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.86. Unsure if this season is his ‘popping out get together,’ since you get a bunch of debutantes collectively for a ball and it’s a cotillion not a Kaprielian, however he’s accomplished about in addition to you possibly can hope. Additionally, Streamonator loves his subsequent begin.
Daz Cameron – 1-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (3) and legs (3), and 2nd homer within the final three video games, however didn’t play on Tuesday. Yesterday, Cameron was on the market with Grossman on the bench. Sure, I’m squinting my eye firmly to carry this monocle in place.
Matt Manning – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (2 BBs), 1 Ok, ERA at 3.38. Jerry Seinfeld voice, “What’s the cope with extra walks than Ks?”
Jonathan Schoop – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and a slam (15) and legs (1), and thirty seventh homer this month. Drop him! He’s horrible! Get him off your workforce!
Nolan Arenado – 1-for-4 and his 14th homer. Can’t imagine I lastly completed this 18,000 piece jigsaw puzzle of sand, however, earlier than I glue it collectively, and cling it on my wall, I’m going to haphazardly place it by this open window–NOOO!!! Torenado!!!
John Gant – 3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.76. In 20 June innings, he’s given up 18 runs. The Regression Fairies are getting a bit clingy with Gant, huh?
Lars Nootbaar – 1-for-3, 1 run. Lars Nootbar is such a snack.