“Simply Dong Simply Dong Simply Dong Simply Dong Simply Dong…oh, and Simply Dong. Then, if you get drained, and wanna go dwelling, Simply Dong some extra.” That was the man who employed Quasimodo to ring the bell at Notre Dame. It was additionally the Red Sox yesterday. Main the Red Sox yesterday within the Simply Dong parade of Simply Dongers was none apart from, you guessed it, Simply Dong Martinez (4-for-6, 4 runs, 4 RBIs), who hit his third, 4th and fifth homers, as he hits .472. Hey, Preseason Gray who hated J.D. Martinez, you suck. At all times appear to get myself in bother when I attempt to time the top of fellows’ productiveness, moderately than simply going with guys till they’re not liable. Whit Merrifield and Nelson Cruz come to thoughts, too. So, I belief Simply Dong now, proper? Nicely, no, not totally, however I can also’t level to any motive to not belief him, so means of elimination tells me, he’s a youthful model of Nelson Cruz. Name him Nelson Dongz. Anyway, right here’s what else I noticed this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Rafael Devers – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs hit his third and 4th homer, hitting .250, and at last one of many hitters I took within the first two rounds doing one thing. I’m not Eloy’ing myself early on.
Alex Verdugo – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs hit his 1st homer. Sonavabench! In a kind of bi-weekly leagues, I put him on my bench Friday, as a result of the Red Sox weren’t taking part in and why isn’t each crew taking part in on Friday? Are we taking it straightforward on Dan Pants for his Friday roundups? Load it up on Pants, he can deal with it!
Maikel Franco – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .229. Donkey Enamel’s AL MVP preseason selection wanting sturdy!
Trey Mancini – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Yet another homer and Trey could have hit a trey. If it’s a 3-run homer, then the world will implode, so get your affairs so as.
Adrian Houser – 5 IP, 0 ER, 10 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 1.80. Nonetheless like Houser in deeper leagues, however that wasn’t an excellent begin. How’sever, his subsequent begin is a go pitcher on the Streamonator.
Keston Hiura – Homered on Saturday, and may’ve been getting scorching, so he was benched on Sunday. Ah, sure, the ol’ “get scorching, then bench” maneuver. Usually results in “Hey, I’ve dandruff?” due to the head-scratching.
Avisail Garcia – 1-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd in as many video games. Scorching schmotato alert, or as Prince Fielder calls him, “The explanation why I spent a half mil on a divorce legal professional.”
Daniel Ponce de Leon – 1 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 11.37. His identify is ironic, as a result of this begin aged me 5 years.
Chris Owings – Hit the IL with a sprained thumb. Nobody is aware of when the harm occurred, and it’s imagine that he was telling Bud Black for days, however Black thought he was correcting the pronunciation of his identify, “Okay, I gained’t say Oh…ings anymore, I’ll say Ow…ings.” Black ought to play Hampson and even Hilliard now, however figuring out Black this can someway result in the Rockies buying and selling for Todd Frazier.
Anthony DeSclafani – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 0.82. Is it me or does everybody get mad that individuals shorten his identify to the style of music Disco vs. the Ska? It’s simply me, isn’t it?
Brandon Belt – 1-for-2, 2 runs and a slam (1) and legs (1). Enjoyable truth! A Bra-Belt is what occurs when a woman has on a chastity belt and goes down a water slide.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – Might return on Friday, after which get re-injured about ten days from then. I’m sorry, I don’t need to be Mr. Hater, the hater of all issues great. I wouldn’t have a PhD, a quote-unquote participant hating diploma. However, yeah, I don’t see how he injures himself twice in ten days on non-contact, then is simply positive. I’ve him on a crew too, so I hope I’m mistaken, however, yeah.
Chris Paddack – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 5.63. Method to present that fantastically horrible, horrendously terrible hitting crew, the Rangers, who’s the boss. Starting to suppose Paddack is extra final 12 months than 2019.
Adrian Morejon – Left yesterday’s begin with an elbow/forearm pressure. Oh, is that it? *watches as my pc magically strikes the cursor to drop Morejon with out me touching the mouse* Good pc.
Trent Grisham – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in two days, and he’s solely been again three days, and also you doubted him, didn’t you? It’s okay to confess it, I doubted him.
Mike Foltynewicz – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners (3 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 4.09. Faultyquiznossandwitz is a bridge too far for my streaming, irrespective of how deep the league.
Brent Honeywell – 2 IP, 0 ER as he was recalled from the alternate coaching web site. Wanna hear one thing humorous that’s not humorous in any respect? I merely googled Brent Honeywell fantasy, and clicked on the Razzball article from final 12 months. Relating to what to anticipate: I don’t know, and I don’t suppose anybody does. That article I linked to 2 (stutterer!) sentences in the past is about 2,000 phrases lengthy, in order that’s your information of what might occur. I might see the flyer in most leagues.
Randy Arozarena – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .314. The Rice Bowl and pi, what a satisfying meal!
Domingo German – Optioned to the minors. Might Deivi Garcia be the substitute? Michael King? The Yankees commerce for Mike Minor as a result of that’s the type of shizz the Yanks do? Seize Deivi now, simply in case it’s him. You don’t need to miss him, and he’s solely 4’8″ so it’s straightforward to.
Gio Urshela – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. What a shot! Dot dot dot. That knocked him out for a day, then he returned after sooner or later. Might see this lots this 12 months, the place a man is knocked out for a day, after getting the 2nd vax shot. I fell asleep with my head on the WebMD homepage, are you able to inform?
Julio Teheran – Hit the 10-day IL with a shoulder pressure. Aw, too dangerous, so unhappy. So! I feel Michael Fulmer is now within the rotation, and early on he has a ~13 Okay/9, zero walks and two miles on his fastball from final 12 months, as much as 95 MPH, which is the place it was earlier in his profession. I grabbed Fulmer in a single deeper combined league, and I’m cyclops’ing him in shallower leagues.
Miguel Cabrera – Hit the IL with a biceps pressure. It’s just one, that’s complicated. A monocep? Hmm, higher. You’re welcome, English language. Renato Nunez was referred to as as much as exchange Miggy and will have some deep-league worth for energy.
Tarik Skubal – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 7.71. Yearly I promise myself to disregard all information out of spring coaching, besides harm information, and yearly I fall prey to not less than one or two. As they are saying on the Reynolds Wrap manufacturing unit, foiled once more!
Aaron Civale – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.45.
“We’ve determined to exit fancy tonight, so a celebration of two in your great bistro…The Outdated Spaghetti Manufacturing facility.”
“One-a minute, sir, and I’ll be-a proper with-a you.” The host, Sal, slowly backpedals into the kitchen, turns and shouts, “Put away the radar weapons! Disguise the Driveline gear!”
Simply then, Keith Morrison, host of Dateline walks out. “This quaint Italian ristorante, recognized generally as The Outdated Spaghetti Manufacturing facility, is definitely a entrance, and within the kitchen…Nicely, that’s the place it will get fascinating, it’s actually The Indians Beginning Pitcher Manufacturing facility.”
Logan Allen – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.70. “I’m-a sorry, right here we-a don’t serve meatballs.” Okay, I’d prefer to strive a small experiment. Can the Indians commerce for Pivetta? I’d similar to to see the Pivetta that we’ve dreamt about for 5 years.
Emmanuel Clase – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 2nd save. Extra like Emmanuel Nearer, amiright? Haha, Clase dismissed! *takes 5 second nap, claps arms* I’m again! ‘Member after I mentioned Merryweather may very well be a high 5 nearer this 12 months? Nicely, he might, and Clase may very well be a high two nearer. In each league, seize him.
Dylan Cease – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.86. Not dealin’ Stop. Michael Kopech, however, higher watch out how good he’s doing, or he’s going to be considered as a center reliever. Attempt shaking that notion with a bunch of large idiots operating MLB groups.
Ozzie Albies – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .139. Good to see the homer, was starting to suppose Ozzie had bitten off an excessive amount of of the bat.
Ronald Acuña Jr. – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .444. Simply considered a poor schnook who drafted Tatis in entrance of Tildday. Woof, somebody go test on them. They want a pal.
Freddie Freeman – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer, hitting .167. Can be hitting .300 by this time subsequent week. It’s early; cease panicking; you’re making me nervous.
Rhys Hoskins – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer, hitting .306. Additionally, on this sport, Bryce Harper (1-for-4) hit his 2nd homer, and Didi Gregorius (1-for-3) hit his 2nd homer. That’s three seconds or the time for a battery to go from the higher deck to the sphere in Residents Financial institution Park. What, it’s a measurement of time in Philly. “I’ll be again in sixty batteries.” Which means three minutes. See?
Zach Davies – 1/2 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 11.05. Hey, fast query, why does it harm after I sit?
Patrick Corbin – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, as he was surprisingly activated from the IL. Positive am glad I used to be ready to determine learn how to get him in my lineup with out a lot discover.
Max Scherzer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.75 vs. Clayton Kershaw – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.89. This matchup’s embodiment is a chiropractor’s brochure that reads, “I bought your again” in daring font.
Frankie Montas – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 8.31. Heard Frankie goes to Houston, and panicked, after I ought to’ve simply relaxed.
Rafael Montero – 1 IP, 0 ER and the save. Previous to yesterday, it appeared like Montero’s tenure as nearer had one foot within the grave, man. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge, kazoo*
Taylor Trammell – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in as many video games. Scorching schmotato alert!
Kyle Seager – 4-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 1st and 2nd homer. Surprise if it was bizarre for Kyle when he was a baby, previous to Corey being born, and he simply watched his dad and mom level at his mom’s pregnant stomach saying, “This one goes to be even higher.”
Yusei Kikuchi – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. Michael Pineda – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks. Considered one of these pitchers has a 3.75 ERA and one has a 1.64 ERA. After all, ERA isn’t all the things however judging by simply what number of questions there are about one in all these pitchers and never the opposite, you’d assume Kikuchi had the 1.64 ERA. I like Kikuchi, however the hype isn’t assembly the fact.
Byron Buxton – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his fifth homer, hitting .481. Not going to do a countdown till Buxton’s injured, as a result of everyone knows it’s coming within the subsequent 21 days. You want me to depend down from 21?
Alex Colome – 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 6.75, as he blew his 2nd one. Colome higher watch out or he’s going to get a Rogers’ing.
Zac Gallen – Potential to return on Tuesday. Positive, he threw a bullpen session of 67 pitches, and now he’s able to return. Oh…*walks from Canada to Cape Horn*…kay.
Luke Weaver – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 stroll, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.13. Sonavabench! I’m in a tailspin to start out this season. *smacks face* Get it collectively! Was really pleased to see him lose his no-hitter within the seventh. I don’t suppose I might’ve taken that type of sonavabenching. Didn’t even need to bench him, however his 1st begin of the week was in Coors, and I solely had him in weekly leagues, and–Any hoo! I like Weaver, and have him in roughly 5 deeper weekly leagues, 4 of which benched.
Eduardo Escobar – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 4th homer in as many video games. Somebody wake Dale Lengthy…*sees he died in 1991*…Nicely, somebody wake the fellows (or women!) in a fantasy league the place Escobar is offered.
Nick Ahmed – 2-for-4 as he was activated and Geraldo Perdomo was optioned again to the alternate web site, and what a big waste of time that man turned out to be. Higher cost by the domo, since you ain’t getting no mo’.
Sonny Gray – Threw a profitable simulation sport. Now who’s going to purchase him a brand new Wii?
Dexter Fowler – Hit the IL with a torn ACL. Hey, from the opposite web site… Sorry, was simply considering of what Adell is likely to be singing proper now.
Yimi Garcia – 1 IP, 0 ER and his 1st save on Saturday, as he seemingly replaces Anthony Bass because the Marlins’ nearer. Marlins and Bass had been by no means gonna work. Opposites entice. Wetteland by no means succeeded in Seattle, he wanted the dry Texas local weather. Me drafting Bass considering it could work: dumBass.
Trevor Rogers – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.80. And similar to that he’s turn into related for 12-team combined league and shallower leagues. Don’t ask when you ought to seize him, simply seize him. That’s proper, overlook about consent!
Marcus Stroman – Threw to 2 batters yesterday previous to them calling it for rain. Severe query, are the umpires silly? Are they completely as dumb as a field of rocks? Can somebody shine a flashlight into one umpire’s ear and test for gentle popping out the opposite aspect? I’ve to know: are umpires really sacks of potatoes or sentient beings with actual ideas? How do you begin the sport for 2 batters and waste Stroman’s flip within the rotation? How, you large bleeping bleepholes?!